Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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