I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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