She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
