i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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