lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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