oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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