I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
