I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
