i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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