Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
