Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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