just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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