How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
