My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
