its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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