yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
