The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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