Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
