They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
