Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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