I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
