Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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