i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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