So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you didnt know i had herpes?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
