White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
