Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
