I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
