I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
