...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
