I love black thongs
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
