You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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