Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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