dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
