Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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