I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
NoShamevember. You game?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
