everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
