thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
