is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
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I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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