from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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