Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
