I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
