I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
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I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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