OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Randomize
