Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
