oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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