My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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