You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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