No stitches, just platelets and will power
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Houston, we have a squirter
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
