we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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