I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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