My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
