i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
