I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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