I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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