I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
