I got chris browned last night
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
