I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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