Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
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i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
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I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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