i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
