I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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