I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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