Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
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She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
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Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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