I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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