I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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