It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
third nipple confirmed
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
