I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
