I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
