It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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