Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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