yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
