Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
