reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
