I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
