Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
