I should be sponsored by Trojan
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
