I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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