matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So much rum. So many feels.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
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