i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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