I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
