Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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