and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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