wrigley field is MILF paradise
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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