cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
